"A Holding Pattern"

I feel like a car that has been parked in the garage. I haven't been out much since my surgery. I've been to the doctor and to church this past Sunday. I dusted off the cobwebs and took a walk around the neighborhood because the weather was so nice yesterday. I pushed Jayce in the stroller while Kaylee lapped me on her scooter. Everything I have read tells me that exercise helps with everything, but after 30 minutes of pushing that stroller up my hilly streets I wasn't sure what it was helping!

I'm happy that my surgical pathology report was such a good one, but I wish the surgical site would hurt less. I don't want to be a wimp about it, but I thought it would feel better than this by now. It has improved, I try to remind myself. While I cope with the end of step one, my mind wanders to next step.

I'm back in a holding pattern, not knowing what to expect once again. Next week, I have appointments with the medical oncologist and the radiation oncologist. I guess I will find out more about the plan at that point or I may face more tests first. I just don't know, but I do know that I don't feel ready to take on the unknown of chemo. I think I'll just stay in the garage a little longer, it really isn't that bad in here.

"Where Does My Help Come From"

"My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!" Psalm 121:2

The Lord sent my Mom and Dad to fill in recently. My help came from them in spades! They arrived August 1 (the day before surgery) and just left today. Mom cleaned the house, cooked every dinner, fed everyone breakfast and lunch, made several trips to the grocery store, took Kaylee to a dentist appointment and back-to- school clothes shopping. She did untold loads of laundry, took me to pre-op and post-op doctor appointments and sat in the waiting room with Kent during my surgery. She took care of the baby. Even though I'm sure she enjoyed this part the most, every feeding and diaper change and everything else was a lot of work. I'm sure Jayce is crawling around wondering where that other Mommy went. Me too.

Dad took Kaylee shopping and bought her some school shoes (the kind that only Grandparents would buy because Mom and Dad wouldn't spend that much)! He played with the kids, fixed a leaky bathtub faucet, installed a new ceiling fan, and ran all kinds of errands.

They have been steady, rock solid providers of love and care. I don't know what to say because thank you is too small and just doesn't cover it. I'm crying because it is like God's love, just something that you can't repay no matter how much you want too. I miss them already, but not because of all the "things" that they did. I just miss their loving presence.

"The Home Run of Good News!"

For the first time since my surgery, I left the house! Now, before you start thinking that a post-op visit with the surgeon isn't exciting, let me correct your thinking! It was the most exciting thing I've done in quite some time, because she had nothing to give me but good news!

The final lab report was so positive, I may have to frame it! She got the entire tumor out with "clean margins" (that's important in case you don't know about such things), all five lymph nodes that were removed tested negative for cancer! That means no cancer had spread! Also, the cancer had not made its way into the blood stream even at the site of the tumor!

My entourage (Mom and Husband) and I were practically standing up and cheering like we were at a ball game and someone had hit a home run! Someone pass the peanuts!

"Hurry Up and Heal!"

Patience has never been my virtue. So, sitting around and healing from surgery is a difficulty of its own! I have time off work, my Mom is here taking care of meals and the baby! In fact, she is even taking Kaylee shopping for "back to school" clothes." I have more time on my hands than I've had in....I can't even remember when! But, it is totally useless.

There are a ton of wonderful things I could get done, only I can't! Healing is a tiring job. Sometimes, I'm awake and can have enjoyable conversations, but I can't seem to concentrate on a book without falling asleep! I just slept all night for the first time since the surgery. The good news is that I got some good sleep, the bad news is that I went a long time without a pain pill! It wasn't a lovely morning!

Mom washed my hair for me (my arms have the usage of a T-Rex right now). I took a bath and had some help brushing my hair. By the time I had fresh PJ's on, I felt like I had run a half marathon!

I have to remind myself that it is okay to slow down, rest and just heal.