Chemo Is Over!

It's over! The chemo part that is. I went in for the tenth and final treatment two days ago! It was the first time I've looked forward to spending my entire day at the cancer center. I felt like this day was never going to get here!

I'm hoping to be fighting the side effects for the last time! I'm anxious for the muscle and joint pain to fade away. The numbness and tingling in my hands and feet have got to go too!

My cancer center just moved into a brand new wing of the hospital. It's modern, bright and beautifully appointed. But, it is still a cancer center. So, as nice as the new Ambulatory Infusion Unit looks now with it's new recliners (complete with heat and massage) and your very own TV on a swivel arm...I have no desire to see it again! The nurses in there (all wonderful) told me I could at least drop by and say 'hi.' I thought about it for half a second and told them 'no, I don't think so!'

"Congratulations! You did it! Love, Mom and Dad"

(Thank you!!!!)



Of course, I'll be back to the cancer center many times. I have a follow-up appointment with my medical oncologist in about three weeks. I have a mammogram and an appointment with my surgeon next week. I also have six weeks of radiation treatments on the horizon. But, until then I will celebrate having survived the monster that is chemo!

Deja Vu

I was pretty sure Punxatawny Phil had come and gone this year, but it seems that I was wrong! I had chemo treatment number eight a few days ago and the exact same side effects popped up like a bad penny. So precise that I ended up with the same mouth sore on my tongue in the very same spot!

According to the American Cancer Society, Paclitaxel (Taxol) is an extremely potent chemotherapy drug, often producing a number of side effects in patients. Side effects include severe allergic reactions, cardiovascular problems, infections developing from white blood cell deficiencies, complete hair loss, joint and muscle pain, irritation at the injection site, low red blood cell count, mouth or lip sores, numbness or burning in the hands and feet (peripheral neuropathy), and stomach upset.

While medications designed to prevent or treat nausea, vomiting and decreased white blood cell counts are available, there are currently no treatments for other serious taxane-induced side effects, particularly nerve damage.

That makes me a little nervous. The peripheral neuropathy in my hands and feet is back in full force. It never went away between treatments, but seemed to improve. I hope that any nerve damage rights itself in time when all my treatments are done. I hope it is not permanent!

Right now, I am battling the muscle and joint pains with prescription pain medication. It literally hurts from head to toe! When I woke up this morning, the muscles near my ears even hurt. I have shooting pains my back and stomach muscles as well as my down my legs and into my ankles. The pills help as long as I stay on top of it and don't let them wear off (which I usually do)!

I'm looking forward to feeling better in a few days and enjoying that normal time again before I hit the "repeat" button two more times.

That Normal Time

I am enjoying that time period that hangs between chemo treatments where I feel normal. I have recovered from the side effects and a retch-inducing stomach virus I picked up when my counts were low. The downside to this period of time is that it means the next treatment is just around the bend. Usually time flies, but this whole process feels like it is dragging its feet like a grade schooler on his way to the principal's office.

My most recent chemo was my first of the drug Taxol. I felt different than I had before. I was told that this drug comes with side effects that include muscle and joint pain. My oncologist told me to take something for this and call if over-the-counter drugs were not "cutting the mustard." So, a few days after chemo, I called! My whole body hurt, especially my back and ankles. Pain pills helped and it slowly went away after about a week.

The peripheral neuropathy hung around. That is numbness and tingling in the hands and feet. I still have that and am not sure if it has improved somewhat or I'm just getting used to it! I bought some new tennis shoes recently, but have no idea if they are comfortable!

"Baby Chick Fuzz"

My hairdo, which is super easy to care for since it actually consists of no hair, has changed just a wee bit. Kaylee (my 10-year-old daughter) calls it my "baby chick fuzz." It looks like I've grown in a titch of hair between treatments. It's soft, light and barely there! It delights Kaylee, for whatever reason, who likes to rub the "baby chick fuzz." Unfortunately, I noticed when I rubbed my head recently some fuzz fell out. Bummer. At least I'm entertaining my child!

Despite being a lot smoother, there are other things caused by chemo that I have been able to avoid so far. I was given a laundry list of possible side effects and worried about which ones might manifest in me. I have not had mouth sores (a big one on my worry list), fingernail changes or a metallic taste in my mouth.

I have had shingles, a bladder infection, tummy issues (to put it delicately), loads of bad heartburn, queasiness, major lack of energy, body aches (flu-like aches and pains), fatigue, headaches, hair loss and strep throat (you don't appreciate your immune system until it doesn't work as well as it did)!

The best one is "Chemo Brain." It doesn't matter if you actually have this cognitive impairment/fuzzy thinking/forgetfulness that can be caused by chemo. It's a great excuse for everything! Oh, was I supposed to clean the cat's litter box? So sorry, must have been chemo brain! Did the baby have a dirty diaper when I handed him to my husband? Yes, he did! Sorry I didn't notice, must have been chemo brain! Thanks for changing him anyway! See, there should be some perks! 

"Unexpected Weekend Trip"

So, that wasn't exactly the weekend that I had planned. Let me back up. After my chemo on Wednesday, I went home to rest until I noticed that my port was hurting and even more uncomfortable when trying to go to sleep. So, I went into the clinic on Friday morning. After a chest X-ray, a dye test (which was painful) and a CT scan, I was told to go to the hospital. My port had a crack/a leak and had to come out. This was not welcome news, especially since I'm not done using it yet!

The surgery team came to my hospital room and told me it would be a "no big deal" 15 minute procedure to take the port out. I, personally, do not like the idea of being wide awake and nothing but numbed while someone is cutting on me! I could tell they were having problems. A nurse then came in to hold my hand while they worked. They went through a whole bottle of lidocaine because I kept feeling it! About 45 minutes after they started the "easy 15 minute procedure" it was done and the doctor declared it the hardest one he has ever taken out. Great. They stitched me up, gave me pain pills and put me on an IV med. I was hoping to come home then.

Instead, I had to miss Kaylee's first ever basketball game on Saturday afternoon because they made me stay two nights! Due to the possibility of chemo leakage, I had to be given three rounds of some antidote medication about 24 hours apart. I got the last one just before Sunday evening and was then allowed to go home! I'm sore and tired (no such thing as sleep in a hospital). Now, I have to see a doctor to figure out what we do about the rest of the chemo treatments. I won't be getting another port, that much I have decided.

"Last Dance"

Sorry, my dance card is full! There is no more room for dancing with the Red Devil! I know we may have done a waltz, a jig or even a line dance (I know we did not tango)! However, despite hooking up with the Red Devil six times, literally (via IV that is), there will be no more trips to the ballroom with this nasty guy!

That is something to for which to be thankful! Yesterday, I had my sixth chemo treatment which consists of adriamycin (a.k.a. "The Red Devil") and Cytoxan. I'm finally done with something! I have four more chemo treatments to go. Instead of the previous cocktail, my next treatments will be a chemotherapy drug called Taxol. I have no idea how this one will make me feel, but I'm hoping not as bad as the previous drug combo!

The A/C combo knocked me down pretty hard after our last meeting, Honestly, not a really nice thing to do to your dance partner! I didn't really want to go back yesterday for the final installment, but a commitment is a commitment after all. Sigh.

"Long time, no talk!"

It has been a while since I have written. I have a good excuse! I didn't want to be negative, I didn't feel good and I was out of town for a while enjoying family for Christmas! I guess that is more than one excuse.

Christmas was wonderful. We got to spend a week in Tulsa with our families. The only not wonderful part was that I got shingles. I do not mean the roof kind either! The nerve pain has calmed down and I thought I was in the clear, but now an intense itching has started in on my left side. Will this ever be done? Go away already!

I had chemo number five the week after Christmas. That puts me at the halfway mark for chemo. I guess that is good, but I am having a hard time seeing the glass half full. I guess this treatment was my "freak out" chemo. It knocked me down so hard that I don't think I can do it again! As if anyone is asking if I want too or not! I felt better about not being so strong about it after talking to someone I met when I was first diagnosed. She and I are about the same age and going through this about the same time. She said she "freaked out" after the third a/c chemo treatment. I waited until my fifth to have a melt down, so I guess I'm not alone! I have one more a/c treatment (dreading it!) and then I switch to taxol. I am really hoping that taxol is somehow an easier drug! A person can always hope!

"Blunders and Blessings"

It was not exactly smooth sailing, but Wednesday was round four of chemo. I was supposed to start the day at 8:30 and expected to be home between 1:00 and 2:00. No such luck. The cancer center is undergoing the learning curve of a new computer system (problem number one). Problem number two was my picky port! One of the chemo meds ("the red devil") just didn't want to go in no matter what they did. I was finally moved to a room with a bed so I could be completely flat, turn my head this way, hold my arm that way....until we finally got it. Then I still had my second chemo med (thank goodness this one is on a pump).

It was getting to be 3:30 at this point, so Kent had to leave and relieve the babysitter. When Kaylee got home from school at 4:00, he came back with the kids in tow. I was close to being done when they got there. It was 5:00 before we finally got home!

However, the blessings of the day were bright! A silent auction fundraiser was taking place downstairs and I had bid on two items. The bidding was to end at 1:00. Kent went downstairs at the end to pay for the items that I won (both of them)! However, my three nurses from the Breast Health Center were also there paying for their items. They figured out who he was and told him to forget it! They had noticed my name on the sheets and had decided they were going to pay for my winning bids, plus bought me yet another item! They gave it all to him with hugs and said "tell her to have a Merry Christmas!" Nothing like that has ever happened to me! They are so wonderful there!

A second blessing: the friend who babysit Jayce all day came back when we finally got home with a freshly made dinner for us! Another friend from church came by last night with a home cooked meal as well. I'm so grateful! It's nice to feel good while you are feeling bad!

"Let's Play...Pass the Infection!"

It's not really a fun game, but it seems to be what we having been playing in our house lately. Just before Thanksgiving, Jayce got sick. We took him to the doctor and found out he had pneumonia. It was sad to see him so listless and sick. His fever went up to 105 before he started to feel better.

We did manage to make it down to Tulsa for Thanksgiving weekend. It was nice to see everyone, but really exhausting too. I started feeling bad on Saturday morning. A sore throat was kicking in and for about four nights in a row, I didn't get good sleep because it kept waking me. I went to the clinic Monday morning for tests galore. When you are on chemo and your immune system is compromised, they take every little thing seriously. Which means I got a chest X-ray, flu test, strep test, several blood tests, IV fluids. The result: strep throat and an ear infection.

Now that my throat is better and I nestled in for a good night's sleep...I was awakened at 12:30 in the morning by a crying 10-year-old who said her ear hurt. We took care of her and she woke again at 6:00 a.m. Kent took Kaylee to the doctor this morning...ear infection.

I guess we are doing our part to keep the antibiotics companies in business. I'm looking forward to another round of chemo next week (I use the phrase "looking forward" very loosely)! It will be back to feeling sick for me. So, let's hope we can keep everyone else well!

"Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow"

I had my G.I. Jane moment, but it didn't happen the way I thought it would. It turned out more like Benjamin Button instead. My hair started coming out in great big wads a couple of weeks after my first chemo. Then it slowed down and I was left with very thin hair. It started up again and I was left with zombie-like hair that made every day a mandatory hat day! Now, it is gone. Just little wisps are left (and those are still coming out).

It was very uneventful and not nearly as glamorous as it was when Demi Moore's head hit the shears in G.I. Jane. I guess that is what I expected, minus the really ripped, pumped up muscle queen body!

I'm also not traumatized by my lack of hair. While it certainly makes getting ready in the morning much faster, other time is added trying to choose an outfit that has a hat to match. I haven't gotten around to having my wig fitted yet, so hats it is for now. Hats are fun, and sometimes hot and sometimes itchy. So, sometimes (at home) you just have to dare to go bare!

"Chemo Tricks Me Back"

I am in the post-chemo feeling bad stage. I had chemo Friday afternoon and the next day my Mom flew back to Tulsa. She had flown in the Saturday before to help during the week because chemo was supposed to be on Tuesday. That's just not the way things turned out.

We went in on Tuesday, had my port accessed, lab work drawn and saw the oncologist. At that point, he was concerned about something "abnormal" and wanted me to see the surgeon. So, instead of chemo I got another mammogram and ultrasound. The next morning, we went back for an appointment with my surgeon. Everything turned out okay, it was just a lot of scar tissue.

But, this pushed chemo to Friday. Mom's plane ticket pushed her back home on Saturday. It was still a huge help having her here. A couple of people from church brought a meal today and that will help this week too.

Right now, I'm just sleepy. Good night!

"No Trick, Just Treat!"

I tricked my chemotherapy! It was supposed to fall on Halloween. So, I tricked it and moved it to next week so I could have a treat of a day!

Kent and I went to Kaylee's class Halloween party at school. It was a "Monster Mash" dance party in the gym for the 4th and 5th graders. That's 67 kids in costume! They ate, they danced, they sang to pop songs and Halloween favorites! After school, we brought the geisha girl home to get her make-up on (not allowed at school). Then we dressed her pet dinosaur (that would be Jayce). Don't geisha's usually have pet dinosaurs? I would think so.

 

 





Then it was off to a nearby grocery store Halloween event. On our way home, we stopped by their former babysitter's house for a quick treat. Then it was down the street to a neighbor's house for a pre-trick or treating Halloween party/dinner! The weather was pretty nice when dusk came and we hit the streets in search of porch lights!

It was a long day, but in a different way than a chemo day is a long day! I would choose this one! Mom is flying into St. Louis on Saturday and we'll go pick her up. She'll be here for a week to help us out since I'm facing a "long day" on Tuesday (AKA Chemo Round 3).

"Magic Day 9"

It happened last time and now it has happened again. I'm talking about magic day number nine. Chemo is day one and from that point on the muscle aches and pains, queasy tummy, no appetite, headaches, other stomach issues, low energy and tiredness take hold. Then, on day number nine it stops! That's twice now that day nine has been the first "good day" after chemo. I'm sensing a pattern!

The only thing that marred happy day number nine was my tooth. Yes, my stupid tooth. I have spent hours with the dentist during the past few weeks after a throbbing toothache. On four different occasions, he has worked on a root canal and has been unsuccessful in finishing it. The reasons are complicated (I barely understood what he was saying the problem was). After these visits, he popped a temp filling in and said "let's just wait a month and see how it goes."

It didn't go well. I woke up with the horrible toothache again. This time, he sent me to the oral surgeon. I just went there and had my back, right upper molar yanked. Currently, that has not helped the toothache! I am hopeful that it will heal soon and I can start enjoying my "good" post-chemo days until it is time for another round. In the meantime, I am thankful for pain meds!

"Chemo #2...feeling like poo!"

I know, that's not a very nice title. But, I'm not feeling very nice today. I had my second round of chemo on Wednesday.

I feel like I'm getting the flu (or about to get to the end of it). My body aches and I feel queasy. I don't have much hair left, but I don't even care about that right now. Okay, I'm done whining now. Onto the good news. My Mom and Dad are here and that means no cooking, cleaning, laundry or baby care to worry about while I'm feeling crummy. They leave on Sunday, but hopefully I will feel better by then.

Kaylee's 10th birthday was yesterday and we took her out to eat. I did okay. Tonight, we have her birthday party at "Going Bonkers." That just might make me go bonkers! Good thing we are taking two cars because I may have to make an early exit!

"Tenderitisfullbrush"

I have a new ailment. I call it tenderitisfullbrush. The books, the nurses, the doctors and the breast cancer survivors all told me the same thing, that when the hair starts to go the head will be tender and maybe itchy. They were right. My head is tender and my brush is full.

I am now apparently in competition with my cat to see which one of us can shed the most. I am winning, by a wide margin! I brushed my hair several times after my shower yesterday and had to keep pulling the hair out of the brush. From this nice pile of my former hair, I fashioned a lovely toupee for my receding hairline husband. Sadly, he was not appreciative.

My hair is thick, so I still look like I have normal hair. I can tell that it is thinner, but I doubt anyone else can. But, it looks like I'm on my way to putting that Styrofoam head that has been hiding in my closet out on my dresser!

"Getting My Groove Back!"

It could have been the shirt. It could have been the caffeine infusion from a white chocolate mocha. It could have been the prayers. Whatever it was, I felt like I got my groove back! I faced the day with my new hot pink "Fight Like a Girl" T-shirt and I could feel the attitude permeate my entire body!

The day before I was sick of dragging. I was sick of feeling sick. I finally presented my problems to the cancer center's symptom evaluation clinic. They pumped me full of fluid for dehydration, did lab work and ran a test for a stomach infection. The test came back negative and I was then given the green light to pig out on meds that would make me feel better!

I woke up yesterday just knowing that it was going to be a good day! It finally was! I had the energy to run a couple of errands with Jayce, clean up the house a bit and I even cooked dinner for the first time in a week! I enjoyed beautiful weather and sat on my deck to take a phone call from my high school BFF (we haven't talked on the phone in years)! Life gets busy. Then priorities become more clear. This day, I slowed down, breathed in life and enjoyed it moment by moment not worrying about what the next day or the next month may bring. I can only hope there will be more days like this one!

"The Energy Zapper"

When they give chemo, maybe they should follow up with a shot of energy drink! I have made it to day five and my biggest complaint is lack of energy, I'm so tired! It makes me feel whiny because I get bored too. I don't really feel like doing anything, but I want to do something! Think of all the things I could do, if only I felt like doing them!

My stomach has been upset too. That makes me want to stay close to home. If I could get that straightened out, I would feel better. However, I am grateful that things are not worse. I understand fully that there are a slew of symptoms that I could have and do not. I am thankful for friends who have been providing meals to keep my family from starving! I'm no good in the kitchen right now!

Well, this typing is exhausting! Time for a nap! Just kidding, maybe.

"1 Down...9 To Go"

The Chemo countdown is on! I went to the cancer center yesterday for treatment numero uno. It took a while, but not too bad! First, there were the hour-long pre-meds (to keep nausea at bay), then the Adriamycin (which only takes 20 minutes). However, I had to eat popsicles and ice the entire time. This is supposed to help prevent the mouth sores. Then the Cytoxan had to drip for an hour. All in all, the administration of the drugs was not a problem and having the chest port implant was great!

So, once I got home I started the big "fluid push" to help flush the toxins out of my system. I managed to drink 80 ounces of various fluids (now I feel like a blimp)! My biggest complaint is a giant headache that just won't subside. I'm not really sure what the deal is with that! Otherwise, I don't feel bad. Sometimes, I feel on the very low edge of queasy, but not much. I just want to keep it that way.

A very nice friend/neighbor brought dinner for the family tonight so we didn't have to worry about that. She also baby-sat Jayce during my whole appointment so that Kent could be with me. So, a huge thank you to Val (because this isn't even the first time she has helped us in this way)! Thanks goodness for us that she just retired...there goes God's timing at work again! :)

"Forget Cancer, Have a Nice Root Canal!"

As I went to bed Sunday night, I thought about everything that had to be done the next few days. A trip to the cancer center was on the calendar for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (not to mention other things). Unfortunately, I did not factor in an emergency root canal.

I had a toothache on Sunday, but didn't think too much of it. Until, that is, it woke me up three times during the night. At four in the morning my face was throbbing. I got up to take Advil and still couldn't sleep. I was worried because I knew I was facing my first chemo treatment on Wednesday and dental procedures are highly discouraged during chemo. I knew I didn't have time to play the game of wait and see. I called my dentist at 4:30 in the morning and left a message explaining my situation.

I went in as soon as my appointment at the cancer center was done. The X-ray was compared to the last time I was there (not that long ago because I always have my regular cleanings). At that time, he marked it as a place to "watch." The dentist took one look at the two X-rays and said "Wow, that got bad fast!" He looked at his watch (11:30) and said he would work through lunch because I needed a root canal right now! I didn't even have time to get nervous! He worked on me for an hour and a half, put a temp filling in and I go back in today for him to finish the procedure. That will be after my pre-chemo lab work and appointment with my oncologist, of course.

I guess I had seen so many doctors lately, the dentist was feeling left out! Do I have bad luck or what?! Here is the upside: it was caught and acted on quickly before it became an infection and before chemo started! It seems like every time something "bad" happens there has been the silver lining of God at work. His timing is perfect, even during less than perfect circumstances.

"Chemo Counseling"

The cancer center killed a great number of trees in order to make sure I understand what is about to happen to me next week. I'm all awash in paperwork! I have sheets that explain each drug, consent forms, maps, fliers and a handy new folder to add to my growing collection of folders full of informative medicalese. Thank goodness I like to read!

However, because I've been doing my homework I was not surprised by anything I learned in my chemo counseling session this week. For those facing chemo, I would highly recommend "The Chemotherapy Survival Guide" by Judith McKay, RN, OCN and Tamera Schacher, RN, OCN, MSN. It is chock full of invaluable information so you can go into the chemo with your eyes wide open. It isn't a scary book, if you enjoy being informed.

They cover everything from how chemo actually works and understanding your treatment plan to understanding blood tests and all possible ways to deal with potential side effects. It is easy to understand and written by people who know...the oncology nurses! We all know nurses are awesome (just ask my Mom)! :)

I don't feel excited about starting my 10 cycles of chemo next week, I feel apprehensive. But, I do not feel afraid. I feel that I know all that I can at this point and the unknowns cannot be known so I cannot worry about that. I have given it to God, set up a good babysitter for Jayce, will have my husband by my side and the prayers of many lifting me up!