"The Cavalry's A Comin'!"

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."
-- Agatha Christie

Right on, Agatha! I'll admit, it doesn't matter how old you get, sometimes you just want your momma! Herald the trumpets, she's on her way! She's a busy lady with a full-time job, but when I need her most I can count on the fact that she will be here. Six hour road trip or not, she's a comin'.

She and my Dad will arrive tomorrow afternoon. I can promise you that when she walks in, we can all relax! She is super competent and will have everything whipped into shape in a way that I will never quite be able to match.

I can't wait for both of them to get here! I just wish it was for a nice summer vacation visit instead. But, I can pretend for a day!

"Thankfulness...Right Now?"

I realize it is too early for Thanksgiving, but why procrastinate? So, I am working on thankfulness. It seems like bad timing to take on this task right now, but I know it is what I have to do to get through the days, weeks and months ahead. I am currently thankful that I was able to spend a few days back home in Tulsa to celebrate my baby's first birthday (a bit early)! I am thankful for my parents, grandparents, brother, cousins, aunt, uncle, in-laws (and the occasional outlaws) that came out to show their support for our family. It was a solid group of people who care about us. That is something for which to be thankful.
I also am thankful for the break from thinking about medical jargon and doctors. Of course, I'd be lying if I didn't admit it was always in the back of my mind. But, we are back home to Columbia preparing to face the journey that lies ahead. I want to ask Robert Frost which road is the one less traveled, because if it is this one then I'm not sure he had the right idea!

So, I'll try to keep working on thankfulness in the midst of things that don't make me feel like doing so. I know there are many people who are currently dealing with situations much worse than mine. But, as a preacher once told me, it may only be a paper cut, but it is your paper cut and it still hurts!

"Breast Cancer on the Back Burner!"

On August 10, my baby turns one! I won't go into how the time flew by, because we all know that it did! My plan was to pile the family into the SUV and head to Tulsa (where everyone in our whole family - with the obvious exception of us - lives)! It is very important to me that we all be together to celebrate this milestone. Sadly, breast cancer had other ideas.

Well, I have outsmarted that stupid cancer! I started calling family members, plopped invitations in the mail immediately, had Mom reschedule the date for our party location and made a quick trip to the party store! We are moving this good time up a couple of weeks and making it happen!

Tonight, I will push breast cancer to the back of my mind and enjoy my baby, my family and all the good energy I will get from being able to see everyone before the big "C" tries to take over my days for a while. I will be able to hold Jayce, take pictures, eat cake and laugh while I'm still feeling great! Hopefully, by the time I plan his second birthday party, we will be more concerned about picking a theme, the right balloons and the perfect cake while cancer will be a thing of the past!

"The Game Plan"

Okay, it's game on! The plan is in place, the team is gearing up (okay, well the surgical team is probably always geared up), and I'm getting my game face on. I'd be lying if I said I was hyped up and raring to go. Maybe if I had cheerleaders...I don't know.

We are going with a lumpectomy. That will be preceded by a sentinel node biopsy (so they can make sure no cancer has spread its nasty self into my lymph nodes. There are a couple of other pre-game routines. The day before surgery, I get to visit nuclear medicine and have radioactive dye injected (too bad I already used a Spider-man reference). The morning of surgery I get to start off with what they call a needle localization. Which basically is like a biopsy only they leave a little needle sticking out of you (they promise to tape it down) to help guide the surgeon to the right spot. Sounds look a good time!

Then, I finally make it over to the hospital for the big game. While we are at it, the chest port will be placed (which will be used later for my chemo). The most important thing about this game is who wins...and I have my doubts that cancer will come out of this victorious!

"Swimming in Surgical Options"

Today was the day. I had been dreading it and looking forward to it. I want a game plan and I want no part of this process. It was our third meeting with the surgical oncologist and all test results were in, biopsies and MRIs accomplished, and surgical recommendations on the table.

I didn't like it one bit. There was so much to think about and too many options! There could be a lumpectomy (also known as partial mastectomy) followed by radiation, a mastectomy was offered without radiation (with or without reconstruction surgery), or a double mastectomy (with or without reconstruction). My head is swimming in the pool of options and trying to determine what is right for me?

The tumor (aggressive, as she keeps reminding me) was a little bigger than first thought putting it between a stage 1 and stage 2 for size. Still early she reassured me.

Right now, I feel like I am overwhelmed with information. I will talk, read, pray and hopefully make the right decision.

"The Big Date"

I'm nervous as a school girl about to go out on "the big date." That big date is tomorrow, but at least I will have a chaperon! All tests results are in and it is time to sit down with my husband and the surgical oncologist and decide what to do!

I've read article after article of Seventeen magazine so I'll know what to expect! Well, in my case, I've read lots of "patient education" brochures, books and pamphlets. I know the terms from lumpectomy and mastectomy to sentinel node biopsy and adjuvant therapy.

But, now it is time to face all the unknowns. What will she suggest for me? Will I agree? Will the timing work out? How long will this journey take? Will it all be a big success at the end? I hope to get many answers from the doctor tomorrow, but I also know that most of the answers will come from God and that is where I have to keep my focus despite these nervous distractions!

"Pink Ribbon Weirdness"

Forget about painting the town red. We all know that come October the stores will be coated in pink. I was personally feeling pink ribbon fatigue last fall. I mean how many cups, mugs notepads, pens, magnets, car flags, kitchen accessories, shirts, flip-flips, hats, baby diapers (okay maybe not diapers, but it wouldn't surprise me) do we need?

I get what it is all about and boy do I really get it now! I was at the grocery store the other day and I was stopped in my tracks by a display of pink ribbon items (from note cards to t-shirts). I felt compelled to look at it, but I didn't feel anything else. I just felt weird. This stuff means me now, right? I can't grasp that.

Last year, the final straw happened during a football game. My husband was astonished! The NFL players were wearing pink, yes PINK cleats during the game for breast cancer awareness. That's it, he told me, it has just gone too far! This year, he has already decided he can't wait to see the pink cleats. He has no problem with them at all! For me, I can't decide. It just feels...weird.

"Support Groups are for Sissies, Right?"

'Hello, my name is Jennifer and I have breast cancer.' I waited for the applause or maybe the supportive murmurs. Okay, that isn't what really happened, but it might have been what I was expecting! I wasn't sure what I was walking into when I decided I would show up for the local breast cancer support group.

I had been reading books and articles about breast cancer and what to expect. Many extolled the virtues of the support group. One line stuck right out...many who would benefit the most from a support group never seek one out. OH! What if that is me? That's it, I better find one! I hoped that didn't make me weak or needy, but I thought I'd just see what it was like and go from there.

What I found was a group of ladies who had "been there, done that" and were willing to spend their own time to guide and support newbies like me. I also met another newbie who was just one year my junior. We even have the same surgeon. I hope we'll be able to help each other too.

When they passed around a sign-in sheet, I wrote my name and noticed everyone had checked the box under "cancer survivor." I hesitated and it was noticed. I was told "you are surviving it now, that makes you a survivor." I checked the box!

Not a sissy in the bunch, only survivors!

"Nice News from Nurse Nancy!"

Oops, I missed a call. I checked voicemail and it was Nurse Nancy from the cancer center and could I please call her back. Gulp. What now! I returned the call (as any polite cancer patient would do) to find that Nurse Nancy had results from my second biopsy. Already!

"Jennifer, I just wanted to call and let you know your results are benign."

Benign (adj.)
1. Someone with a kindly disposition or gracious
2. expression of gentleness or kindness
3. favorable
4 Pathology not malignant

Let's check the above definition. Yes, Nurse Nancy was kind, gracious, gentle and her news was favorable! But, I'll take door number 4...no cancer in my other breast! By the way, 'benign' is my new favorite word!

"Me Vs. the Needle, the Remix"

Deja Vu (or maybe the Twilight zone)! I arrived for breast biopsy number two (same song, different breast)! The same nice nurse leads me into the same dimly lit room. She remembers me and tells me that I know the drill. Only this time, it is a different radiologist, and apparently the rest of his family! Okay, not really. But, it looked like I was going to have an audience.

This guy took a lot longer than the first person. It seemed to be going on forever in my mind and right when I thought we were just about done he informs me that I should be good and "numbed up" now.  What?  I'm just now numb, we haven't even done this thing yet?  Geez! As the real show starts, the audience starts filtering in (being fashionably late I guess). As each person enters the little room, nice nurse #1 introduces them to me..."This is Dr. so and so." and "now we have Dr. such and such." This is the downside to being in a University hospital (lots of eyeballs on you)!

It's finally done, I'm taped, wrapped and ready to go when the nice nurse goes over the post-biopsy instructions one last time. Suddenly, I'm very interested in what she is saying! Can you repeat that last part? Sure, she says she will even highlight it for me! She takes me back to the waiting room where my husband has been reading dogeared magazines (I guess). She hands him the sheet of instructions and points out that highlighted portion. For 48 hours: no lifting, pulling, pushing, exercise, COOKING, WASHING DISHES, any activity using arm movements! Did you catch that?  Sometimes, there IS a silver lining!