"Baby Chick Fuzz"

My hairdo, which is super easy to care for since it actually consists of no hair, has changed just a wee bit. Kaylee (my 10-year-old daughter) calls it my "baby chick fuzz." It looks like I've grown in a titch of hair between treatments. It's soft, light and barely there! It delights Kaylee, for whatever reason, who likes to rub the "baby chick fuzz." Unfortunately, I noticed when I rubbed my head recently some fuzz fell out. Bummer. At least I'm entertaining my child!

Despite being a lot smoother, there are other things caused by chemo that I have been able to avoid so far. I was given a laundry list of possible side effects and worried about which ones might manifest in me. I have not had mouth sores (a big one on my worry list), fingernail changes or a metallic taste in my mouth.

I have had shingles, a bladder infection, tummy issues (to put it delicately), loads of bad heartburn, queasiness, major lack of energy, body aches (flu-like aches and pains), fatigue, headaches, hair loss and strep throat (you don't appreciate your immune system until it doesn't work as well as it did)!

The best one is "Chemo Brain." It doesn't matter if you actually have this cognitive impairment/fuzzy thinking/forgetfulness that can be caused by chemo. It's a great excuse for everything! Oh, was I supposed to clean the cat's litter box? So sorry, must have been chemo brain! Did the baby have a dirty diaper when I handed him to my husband? Yes, he did! Sorry I didn't notice, must have been chemo brain! Thanks for changing him anyway! See, there should be some perks! 

"No Hair? Don't Care!"

I have always been afraid to cut my hair shorter than shoulder length (because I like pony tails) and often grow it long. So, I was worried about the hair loss. Turns out...I don't care after all! I really thought being bald would bother me, but it doesn't. Not even a little.

I usually opt for hats in public. At home, I wear them if my head is cold. If not, I dare to go bare! I have a wig that I haven't worn yet. I did get it out and try it on recently. It felt weird! It is now brushed and sitting atop the Styrofoam head on my dresser. As a fun art project, Kaylee decorated the plain white head for me. I'm not sure my blush looks exactly like that and I certainly don't have long eyelashes anymore, but she did give me my blue eyes!

 

In the scheme of things, having no hair doesn't feel like a big deal. Having surgery, chemo and later radiation feels like a bigger deal. Even that stuff isn't as hard to get through as I thought it would be. There is no choice in the matter, you just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. It is what it is. At times, it is even a blessing. I've met some wonderful people and had a lot of great care. I have seen friends and family members rally around me and I am much more mindful of all the precious little moments in life. I don't sweat as many small things. I hope these are the lessons that stay with me once my hair grows back.





 





"Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow"

I had my G.I. Jane moment, but it didn't happen the way I thought it would. It turned out more like Benjamin Button instead. My hair started coming out in great big wads a couple of weeks after my first chemo. Then it slowed down and I was left with very thin hair. It started up again and I was left with zombie-like hair that made every day a mandatory hat day! Now, it is gone. Just little wisps are left (and those are still coming out).

It was very uneventful and not nearly as glamorous as it was when Demi Moore's head hit the shears in G.I. Jane. I guess that is what I expected, minus the really ripped, pumped up muscle queen body!

I'm also not traumatized by my lack of hair. While it certainly makes getting ready in the morning much faster, other time is added trying to choose an outfit that has a hat to match. I haven't gotten around to having my wig fitted yet, so hats it is for now. Hats are fun, and sometimes hot and sometimes itchy. So, sometimes (at home) you just have to dare to go bare!

"Hats, Teeth and Other Misc. Stuff"

I'm in the middle. It's been two weeks since my second round of chemo and it is just  less than two weeks until chemo number three. These are supposed to be my "good days." They are, from a chemo standpoint. However, my mouth has betrayed me. The pain from having my tooth pulled at the oral surgeon's last week is lingering. Way. Too. Long. I don't know what is taking it so long to heal, but a hurting mouth makes everything a little less fun.

I also don't know what to do about my hair. What's left of it, that is. I'm in mandatory hat mode. Without the hat, I look a dog with the mange. I've lost 75 to 80% of my hair. I'm just guessing. I know that God knows the number of every hair on my head. That must be an easier job for him now. For now, I need more hats I guess. My Mom bought me a cute one and my Aunt surprised me by sending me a hat made just for me! It was a nice surprise!

 



I'm also very appreciative of those who have made food for us. It has made life much easier! Thank you to Kristin Steelman for the three frozen, homemade meals! They didn't spend much time in my freezer! Thanks to my Mom for leaving some chili in the freezer! Thanks to Val for always surprising us with dinner! Thanks to my cousin Joni for the Applebee's gift card (we recently enjoyed some 'car side to go')! Love you all!

"Tenderitisfullbrush"

I have a new ailment. I call it tenderitisfullbrush. The books, the nurses, the doctors and the breast cancer survivors all told me the same thing, that when the hair starts to go the head will be tender and maybe itchy. They were right. My head is tender and my brush is full.

I am now apparently in competition with my cat to see which one of us can shed the most. I am winning, by a wide margin! I brushed my hair several times after my shower yesterday and had to keep pulling the hair out of the brush. From this nice pile of my former hair, I fashioned a lovely toupee for my receding hairline husband. Sadly, he was not appreciative.

My hair is thick, so I still look like I have normal hair. I can tell that it is thinner, but I doubt anyone else can. But, it looks like I'm on my way to putting that Styrofoam head that has been hiding in my closet out on my dresser!

"Chemo for Kids"

We told Kaylee, our 9-year-old daughter, about my breast cancer so she would understand that I would be having surgery. But, now that it is getting close to time for chemo treatments, it was time to tell her a little more.

I sat down on the couch with her and read her a book called "Our Mommy has Cancer" that was given to me by the American Cancer Society. It explains, in kid terms, about chemo and radiation. It also talks about hair loss. Things were going well until we got to this part. Her eyes went big as saucers and she was mortified at the thought of Mommy being bald! So, I tried to make it sound fun and tell her that I had a wig to wear and might get some cool hats too! She sweetly offered to loan me some of her very own "cool" hats including the one that is entirely made of sequins! I thanked her, of course, thinking that I might look better bald than as a disco ball!

She had some questions that we tried to honestly answer. She wanted to know if it was okay if she took the book to school and if she told anyone about it. I assured her it was not a secret and she could do whatever makes her feel best about it.

She came home from school with a card that she made full of rainbows and happy, smiling suns. She wrote "Mommy, I'm deeply sorry for your cancer. I hope you get well soon and good luck!"