"Sore, Tired and Recovering"

I'm sore! I'm tired! I'm laying around in my PJ's! Yesterday was a long day. We didn't get home from the hospital until about 6:00 p.m. Sleeping was fine, until I woke up with pain. I want to shake the hand of the person that invented pain pills (and I'm not talking about whiskey).

I have about three ugly marks on the my left side where the chest port was placed. Oh, it felt nice when Jayce accidentally slapped it (note to self: do not bend down so close to 11 month old)! I have my most painful incision under my right arm where the three lymph nodes were removed. I haven't seen the rest, it is all bandaged up and has to stay that way until Wednesday when I see the surgeon.

On the up side, I couldn't have had a nicer surgeon, nurses and other hospital personnel. It went just as smooth as it could have.

Also, I couldn't have a nicer family! Mom and Dad are taking care of the house and the kids while I rest. I got several nice phone calls, a gift from a friend, flowers from my daughter to brighten my day and another flower delivery from my Aunt and Uncle and Grandpa and Grandma. When you feel sore and cruddy, it is nice to feel loved!

"Kill the Cancer, Step 1"

It's finally time to start killing the cancer! I wish I felt more excited about it. It's surgery day! See, that doesn't quite have the same ring to it as "It's free pizza day!" Oh, don't get me wrong, I can't wait to get cancer out of my body (of course, free pizza would be nice too).

I will start the day at 7:45 a.m. (quite late in the medical world!) at the cancer center where they will do a pre-op procedure called "needle localization." They tell me it is much like a biopsy. The idea is to put a long, thin needle into the breast and stab that tumor so the surgeon has a nice guide to the spot on which to operate. Then, they will kindly tape down the part sticking out as I make my way over to the hospital for the surgery.

The actual surgery is supposed to take place at 10:30 a.m., but I'll be busy doing all those fun little things they do to get you ready! I can't wait to get the paper gown! I'm even more excited about the I.V. (okay, okay, I know I keep whining about this).

Once surgery is underway, they will do a sentinel node biopsy (remove some nodes to check for cancer spread into the lymph nodes), then remove the actual tumor and surrounding normal tissue, and while we are at it she is going to install a chest port to be used for my Chemo. All in all, it sounds like...well, to be honest it sounds like what has been keeping me up at night. So, I can't wait for this day to be over! I also don't want it to be over because that means I have to recover and move to the next treatment phase (which I also lose sleep over). Just being honest.

"Role Reversal"

Mom used to clean, cook and do the laundry when I was growing up in her house. She has continued that trend even without me there! However, when she comes to my house and does those things it feels weird!

It happened the first time almost one year ago when my second baby was born. We don't have any family in the area and we tried to work her time off around our best guess of actual birth. So, the baby came about a week before she got here. I called and told her to please hurry because I was floundering! SOS!

The very next month (thanks to that precious baby) I had to have my gallbladder removed (don't worry Jayce, I won't hold the gallstones against you)! She came back for a few days to watch the newborn and help around the house after my surgery.

So, I feel odd having to need her in this role again! You'd think I'd be the one needed to take care of her during some ailment instead! This seems backwards! Not that I think of her as "old" because I don't, but I don't think I am either! So what's the deal!

I don't really know, but I do know that I am thankful she and Dad are here today. I hope it is the last time they come for this type of reason. I want to go back to planning meals and cooking for them and taking them to fun places in town. While I'm glad Mom is here to go with me to a pre-op appointment today, I do not count hanging out at the cancer center as a visit to a "fun place in town!" Well, unless we get a chance to drop by the gift shop!

"The Cavalry's A Comin'!"

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."
-- Agatha Christie

Right on, Agatha! I'll admit, it doesn't matter how old you get, sometimes you just want your momma! Herald the trumpets, she's on her way! She's a busy lady with a full-time job, but when I need her most I can count on the fact that she will be here. Six hour road trip or not, she's a comin'.

She and my Dad will arrive tomorrow afternoon. I can promise you that when she walks in, we can all relax! She is super competent and will have everything whipped into shape in a way that I will never quite be able to match.

I can't wait for both of them to get here! I just wish it was for a nice summer vacation visit instead. But, I can pretend for a day!

"The Game Plan"

Okay, it's game on! The plan is in place, the team is gearing up (okay, well the surgical team is probably always geared up), and I'm getting my game face on. I'd be lying if I said I was hyped up and raring to go. Maybe if I had cheerleaders...I don't know.

We are going with a lumpectomy. That will be preceded by a sentinel node biopsy (so they can make sure no cancer has spread its nasty self into my lymph nodes. There are a couple of other pre-game routines. The day before surgery, I get to visit nuclear medicine and have radioactive dye injected (too bad I already used a Spider-man reference). The morning of surgery I get to start off with what they call a needle localization. Which basically is like a biopsy only they leave a little needle sticking out of you (they promise to tape it down) to help guide the surgeon to the right spot. Sounds look a good time!

Then, I finally make it over to the hospital for the big game. While we are at it, the chest port will be placed (which will be used later for my chemo). The most important thing about this game is who wins...and I have my doubts that cancer will come out of this victorious!

"Swimming in Surgical Options"

Today was the day. I had been dreading it and looking forward to it. I want a game plan and I want no part of this process. It was our third meeting with the surgical oncologist and all test results were in, biopsies and MRIs accomplished, and surgical recommendations on the table.

I didn't like it one bit. There was so much to think about and too many options! There could be a lumpectomy (also known as partial mastectomy) followed by radiation, a mastectomy was offered without radiation (with or without reconstruction surgery), or a double mastectomy (with or without reconstruction). My head is swimming in the pool of options and trying to determine what is right for me?

The tumor (aggressive, as she keeps reminding me) was a little bigger than first thought putting it between a stage 1 and stage 2 for size. Still early she reassured me.

Right now, I feel like I am overwhelmed with information. I will talk, read, pray and hopefully make the right decision.