"Last Dance"

Sorry, my dance card is full! There is no more room for dancing with the Red Devil! I know we may have done a waltz, a jig or even a line dance (I know we did not tango)! However, despite hooking up with the Red Devil six times, literally (via IV that is), there will be no more trips to the ballroom with this nasty guy!

That is something to for which to be thankful! Yesterday, I had my sixth chemo treatment which consists of adriamycin (a.k.a. "The Red Devil") and Cytoxan. I'm finally done with something! I have four more chemo treatments to go. Instead of the previous cocktail, my next treatments will be a chemotherapy drug called Taxol. I have no idea how this one will make me feel, but I'm hoping not as bad as the previous drug combo!

The A/C combo knocked me down pretty hard after our last meeting, Honestly, not a really nice thing to do to your dance partner! I didn't really want to go back yesterday for the final installment, but a commitment is a commitment after all. Sigh.

"Long time, no talk!"

It has been a while since I have written. I have a good excuse! I didn't want to be negative, I didn't feel good and I was out of town for a while enjoying family for Christmas! I guess that is more than one excuse.

Christmas was wonderful. We got to spend a week in Tulsa with our families. The only not wonderful part was that I got shingles. I do not mean the roof kind either! The nerve pain has calmed down and I thought I was in the clear, but now an intense itching has started in on my left side. Will this ever be done? Go away already!

I had chemo number five the week after Christmas. That puts me at the halfway mark for chemo. I guess that is good, but I am having a hard time seeing the glass half full. I guess this treatment was my "freak out" chemo. It knocked me down so hard that I don't think I can do it again! As if anyone is asking if I want too or not! I felt better about not being so strong about it after talking to someone I met when I was first diagnosed. She and I are about the same age and going through this about the same time. She said she "freaked out" after the third a/c chemo treatment. I waited until my fifth to have a melt down, so I guess I'm not alone! I have one more a/c treatment (dreading it!) and then I switch to taxol. I am really hoping that taxol is somehow an easier drug! A person can always hope!

"Blunders and Blessings"

It was not exactly smooth sailing, but Wednesday was round four of chemo. I was supposed to start the day at 8:30 and expected to be home between 1:00 and 2:00. No such luck. The cancer center is undergoing the learning curve of a new computer system (problem number one). Problem number two was my picky port! One of the chemo meds ("the red devil") just didn't want to go in no matter what they did. I was finally moved to a room with a bed so I could be completely flat, turn my head this way, hold my arm that way....until we finally got it. Then I still had my second chemo med (thank goodness this one is on a pump).

It was getting to be 3:30 at this point, so Kent had to leave and relieve the babysitter. When Kaylee got home from school at 4:00, he came back with the kids in tow. I was close to being done when they got there. It was 5:00 before we finally got home!

However, the blessings of the day were bright! A silent auction fundraiser was taking place downstairs and I had bid on two items. The bidding was to end at 1:00. Kent went downstairs at the end to pay for the items that I won (both of them)! However, my three nurses from the Breast Health Center were also there paying for their items. They figured out who he was and told him to forget it! They had noticed my name on the sheets and had decided they were going to pay for my winning bids, plus bought me yet another item! They gave it all to him with hugs and said "tell her to have a Merry Christmas!" Nothing like that has ever happened to me! They are so wonderful there!

A second blessing: the friend who babysit Jayce all day came back when we finally got home with a freshly made dinner for us! Another friend from church came by last night with a home cooked meal as well. I'm so grateful! It's nice to feel good while you are feeling bad!

"1 Down...9 To Go"

The Chemo countdown is on! I went to the cancer center yesterday for treatment numero uno. It took a while, but not too bad! First, there were the hour-long pre-meds (to keep nausea at bay), then the Adriamycin (which only takes 20 minutes). However, I had to eat popsicles and ice the entire time. This is supposed to help prevent the mouth sores. Then the Cytoxan had to drip for an hour. All in all, the administration of the drugs was not a problem and having the chest port implant was great!

So, once I got home I started the big "fluid push" to help flush the toxins out of my system. I managed to drink 80 ounces of various fluids (now I feel like a blimp)! My biggest complaint is a giant headache that just won't subside. I'm not really sure what the deal is with that! Otherwise, I don't feel bad. Sometimes, I feel on the very low edge of queasy, but not much. I just want to keep it that way.

A very nice friend/neighbor brought dinner for the family tonight so we didn't have to worry about that. She also baby-sat Jayce during my whole appointment so that Kent could be with me. So, a huge thank you to Val (because this isn't even the first time she has helped us in this way)! Thanks goodness for us that she just retired...there goes God's timing at work again! :)

"Chemo Counseling"

The cancer center killed a great number of trees in order to make sure I understand what is about to happen to me next week. I'm all awash in paperwork! I have sheets that explain each drug, consent forms, maps, fliers and a handy new folder to add to my growing collection of folders full of informative medicalese. Thank goodness I like to read!

However, because I've been doing my homework I was not surprised by anything I learned in my chemo counseling session this week. For those facing chemo, I would highly recommend "The Chemotherapy Survival Guide" by Judith McKay, RN, OCN and Tamera Schacher, RN, OCN, MSN. It is chock full of invaluable information so you can go into the chemo with your eyes wide open. It isn't a scary book, if you enjoy being informed.

They cover everything from how chemo actually works and understanding your treatment plan to understanding blood tests and all possible ways to deal with potential side effects. It is easy to understand and written by people who know...the oncology nurses! We all know nurses are awesome (just ask my Mom)! :)

I don't feel excited about starting my 10 cycles of chemo next week, I feel apprehensive. But, I do not feel afraid. I feel that I know all that I can at this point and the unknowns cannot be known so I cannot worry about that. I have given it to God, set up a good babysitter for Jayce, will have my husband by my side and the prayers of many lifting me up!

"Dancing with the Red Devil"

When the course of chemotherapy drugs you are prescribed is nicknamed the "Red Devil" that does not inspire excitement about getting started! The first six cycles will include the drugs Adriamycin (Doxorubicin) and Cytoxan (Cyclophosphamide) also called "AC" for short. This is not an uncommon regimen for people with breast cancer.

It is the Adriamycin that is the "Red Devil" and I'm not sure why other than it is red in color, it burns if it touches the skin (which it shouldn't do), and has a list of "possible" side effects so long you'd need a scroll to write them all out. Of course, all the drugs have this side effect laundry list.

The likelihood of having no side effects isn't great, but the possibility of having many is also slim. I know there will be some, but which ones? Well, we know I'll be going bald so count that as one! Everything else is uncertain. So, I plan to dance with the Red Devil with my tap shoes on (because that seems positive)! Also, those little pieces of metal on the bottom might help me kick the crap out of it before it kicks the crap out of me!