"Getting My Groove Back!"

It could have been the shirt. It could have been the caffeine infusion from a white chocolate mocha. It could have been the prayers. Whatever it was, I felt like I got my groove back! I faced the day with my new hot pink "Fight Like a Girl" T-shirt and I could feel the attitude permeate my entire body!

The day before I was sick of dragging. I was sick of feeling sick. I finally presented my problems to the cancer center's symptom evaluation clinic. They pumped me full of fluid for dehydration, did lab work and ran a test for a stomach infection. The test came back negative and I was then given the green light to pig out on meds that would make me feel better!

I woke up yesterday just knowing that it was going to be a good day! It finally was! I had the energy to run a couple of errands with Jayce, clean up the house a bit and I even cooked dinner for the first time in a week! I enjoyed beautiful weather and sat on my deck to take a phone call from my high school BFF (we haven't talked on the phone in years)! Life gets busy. Then priorities become more clear. This day, I slowed down, breathed in life and enjoyed it moment by moment not worrying about what the next day or the next month may bring. I can only hope there will be more days like this one!

"The Energy Zapper"

When they give chemo, maybe they should follow up with a shot of energy drink! I have made it to day five and my biggest complaint is lack of energy, I'm so tired! It makes me feel whiny because I get bored too. I don't really feel like doing anything, but I want to do something! Think of all the things I could do, if only I felt like doing them!

My stomach has been upset too. That makes me want to stay close to home. If I could get that straightened out, I would feel better. However, I am grateful that things are not worse. I understand fully that there are a slew of symptoms that I could have and do not. I am thankful for friends who have been providing meals to keep my family from starving! I'm no good in the kitchen right now!

Well, this typing is exhausting! Time for a nap! Just kidding, maybe.

"1 Down...9 To Go"

The Chemo countdown is on! I went to the cancer center yesterday for treatment numero uno. It took a while, but not too bad! First, there were the hour-long pre-meds (to keep nausea at bay), then the Adriamycin (which only takes 20 minutes). However, I had to eat popsicles and ice the entire time. This is supposed to help prevent the mouth sores. Then the Cytoxan had to drip for an hour. All in all, the administration of the drugs was not a problem and having the chest port implant was great!

So, once I got home I started the big "fluid push" to help flush the toxins out of my system. I managed to drink 80 ounces of various fluids (now I feel like a blimp)! My biggest complaint is a giant headache that just won't subside. I'm not really sure what the deal is with that! Otherwise, I don't feel bad. Sometimes, I feel on the very low edge of queasy, but not much. I just want to keep it that way.

A very nice friend/neighbor brought dinner for the family tonight so we didn't have to worry about that. She also baby-sat Jayce during my whole appointment so that Kent could be with me. So, a huge thank you to Val (because this isn't even the first time she has helped us in this way)! Thanks goodness for us that she just retired...there goes God's timing at work again! :)

"Forget Cancer, Have a Nice Root Canal!"

As I went to bed Sunday night, I thought about everything that had to be done the next few days. A trip to the cancer center was on the calendar for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (not to mention other things). Unfortunately, I did not factor in an emergency root canal.

I had a toothache on Sunday, but didn't think too much of it. Until, that is, it woke me up three times during the night. At four in the morning my face was throbbing. I got up to take Advil and still couldn't sleep. I was worried because I knew I was facing my first chemo treatment on Wednesday and dental procedures are highly discouraged during chemo. I knew I didn't have time to play the game of wait and see. I called my dentist at 4:30 in the morning and left a message explaining my situation.

I went in as soon as my appointment at the cancer center was done. The X-ray was compared to the last time I was there (not that long ago because I always have my regular cleanings). At that time, he marked it as a place to "watch." The dentist took one look at the two X-rays and said "Wow, that got bad fast!" He looked at his watch (11:30) and said he would work through lunch because I needed a root canal right now! I didn't even have time to get nervous! He worked on me for an hour and a half, put a temp filling in and I go back in today for him to finish the procedure. That will be after my pre-chemo lab work and appointment with my oncologist, of course.

I guess I had seen so many doctors lately, the dentist was feeling left out! Do I have bad luck or what?! Here is the upside: it was caught and acted on quickly before it became an infection and before chemo started! It seems like every time something "bad" happens there has been the silver lining of God at work. His timing is perfect, even during less than perfect circumstances.

"Chemo Counseling"

The cancer center killed a great number of trees in order to make sure I understand what is about to happen to me next week. I'm all awash in paperwork! I have sheets that explain each drug, consent forms, maps, fliers and a handy new folder to add to my growing collection of folders full of informative medicalese. Thank goodness I like to read!

However, because I've been doing my homework I was not surprised by anything I learned in my chemo counseling session this week. For those facing chemo, I would highly recommend "The Chemotherapy Survival Guide" by Judith McKay, RN, OCN and Tamera Schacher, RN, OCN, MSN. It is chock full of invaluable information so you can go into the chemo with your eyes wide open. It isn't a scary book, if you enjoy being informed.

They cover everything from how chemo actually works and understanding your treatment plan to understanding blood tests and all possible ways to deal with potential side effects. It is easy to understand and written by people who know...the oncology nurses! We all know nurses are awesome (just ask my Mom)! :)

I don't feel excited about starting my 10 cycles of chemo next week, I feel apprehensive. But, I do not feel afraid. I feel that I know all that I can at this point and the unknowns cannot be known so I cannot worry about that. I have given it to God, set up a good babysitter for Jayce, will have my husband by my side and the prayers of many lifting me up!

"39 and NOT holding!"

"It's your birthday! It's your birthday!" I was singing that part in case that wasn't clear! Well, I don't know if it is your birthday, but it is mine and I'm really happy about it! Usually, as you get older the birthday takes on less meaning and you rather hope that not much attention is brought to it. Since I'm turning 39 today I'm supposed to start going with the "39 and holding" saying. But, I'm throwing that line of thought into the trash!

It's amazing how your perspective can change based on life events. When I was pregnant with my now 12-month-old, I was like Grandma Moses having a baby! I was constantly seeing paperwork with "advanced maternal age' printed on it. Now that I have breast cancer, suddenly I'm young again! I am constantly told by doctors, nurses and other breast cancer survivors how young I am! Well, it is good to be young again!

So, there will be no "39 and holding" for me! Bring on 40! I will be happy to see it and 50, 60, 70, 80 and 90 too (if I should be so lucky)!

"Chemo for Kids"

We told Kaylee, our 9-year-old daughter, about my breast cancer so she would understand that I would be having surgery. But, now that it is getting close to time for chemo treatments, it was time to tell her a little more.

I sat down on the couch with her and read her a book called "Our Mommy has Cancer" that was given to me by the American Cancer Society. It explains, in kid terms, about chemo and radiation. It also talks about hair loss. Things were going well until we got to this part. Her eyes went big as saucers and she was mortified at the thought of Mommy being bald! So, I tried to make it sound fun and tell her that I had a wig to wear and might get some cool hats too! She sweetly offered to loan me some of her very own "cool" hats including the one that is entirely made of sequins! I thanked her, of course, thinking that I might look better bald than as a disco ball!

She had some questions that we tried to honestly answer. She wanted to know if it was okay if she took the book to school and if she told anyone about it. I assured her it was not a secret and she could do whatever makes her feel best about it.

She came home from school with a card that she made full of rainbows and happy, smiling suns. She wrote "Mommy, I'm deeply sorry for your cancer. I hope you get well soon and good luck!" 

"Dancing with the Red Devil"

When the course of chemotherapy drugs you are prescribed is nicknamed the "Red Devil" that does not inspire excitement about getting started! The first six cycles will include the drugs Adriamycin (Doxorubicin) and Cytoxan (Cyclophosphamide) also called "AC" for short. This is not an uncommon regimen for people with breast cancer.

It is the Adriamycin that is the "Red Devil" and I'm not sure why other than it is red in color, it burns if it touches the skin (which it shouldn't do), and has a list of "possible" side effects so long you'd need a scroll to write them all out. Of course, all the drugs have this side effect laundry list.

The likelihood of having no side effects isn't great, but the possibility of having many is also slim. I know there will be some, but which ones? Well, we know I'll be going bald so count that as one! Everything else is uncertain. So, I plan to dance with the Red Devil with my tap shoes on (because that seems positive)! Also, those little pieces of metal on the bottom might help me kick the crap out of it before it kicks the crap out of me!

"Cancer With Bad Juju"

It's time to nail down a plan. That's what I hoped for as I visited my medical oncologist for the second time today. First, he said my heart is "robust" (according to the gated heart scan I recently had - also known as MUGA scan). Second, the PET scan I had showed nothing bad! Third, he said my cancer had bad "juju." Is that a highly technical medical term? He also called it some other nasty names.

This is where the chemo plan comes in. Door number three (the bad juju) means aggressive, heavy duty chemo. Those are my Doctor's terms, not mine. My excitement is starting to build (insert sarcasm)!

Chemo treatments will begin in two weeks! I used an exclamation point in hopes that it would make me feel excited and less bummed about the fact that they will drag on for nearly seven months. I don't think it worked, yet. I will have 10 cycles. That's once every 21 days, unless something causes a delay. Such as certain low blood counts or me just not showing up! Okay, okay, I'll show up. I'll even try to be brave! I have too because everyone keeps telling me how strong I am. I never thought of myself that way, but maybe I'll start to believe it too!