"No Hair? Don't Care!"

I have always been afraid to cut my hair shorter than shoulder length (because I like pony tails) and often grow it long. So, I was worried about the hair loss. Turns out...I don't care after all! I really thought being bald would bother me, but it doesn't. Not even a little.

I usually opt for hats in public. At home, I wear them if my head is cold. If not, I dare to go bare! I have a wig that I haven't worn yet. I did get it out and try it on recently. It felt weird! It is now brushed and sitting atop the Styrofoam head on my dresser. As a fun art project, Kaylee decorated the plain white head for me. I'm not sure my blush looks exactly like that and I certainly don't have long eyelashes anymore, but she did give me my blue eyes!

 

In the scheme of things, having no hair doesn't feel like a big deal. Having surgery, chemo and later radiation feels like a bigger deal. Even that stuff isn't as hard to get through as I thought it would be. There is no choice in the matter, you just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. It is what it is. At times, it is even a blessing. I've met some wonderful people and had a lot of great care. I have seen friends and family members rally around me and I am much more mindful of all the precious little moments in life. I don't sweat as many small things. I hope these are the lessons that stay with me once my hair grows back.





 





"Blunders and Blessings"

It was not exactly smooth sailing, but Wednesday was round four of chemo. I was supposed to start the day at 8:30 and expected to be home between 1:00 and 2:00. No such luck. The cancer center is undergoing the learning curve of a new computer system (problem number one). Problem number two was my picky port! One of the chemo meds ("the red devil") just didn't want to go in no matter what they did. I was finally moved to a room with a bed so I could be completely flat, turn my head this way, hold my arm that way....until we finally got it. Then I still had my second chemo med (thank goodness this one is on a pump).

It was getting to be 3:30 at this point, so Kent had to leave and relieve the babysitter. When Kaylee got home from school at 4:00, he came back with the kids in tow. I was close to being done when they got there. It was 5:00 before we finally got home!

However, the blessings of the day were bright! A silent auction fundraiser was taking place downstairs and I had bid on two items. The bidding was to end at 1:00. Kent went downstairs at the end to pay for the items that I won (both of them)! However, my three nurses from the Breast Health Center were also there paying for their items. They figured out who he was and told him to forget it! They had noticed my name on the sheets and had decided they were going to pay for my winning bids, plus bought me yet another item! They gave it all to him with hugs and said "tell her to have a Merry Christmas!" Nothing like that has ever happened to me! They are so wonderful there!

A second blessing: the friend who babysit Jayce all day came back when we finally got home with a freshly made dinner for us! Another friend from church came by last night with a home cooked meal as well. I'm so grateful! It's nice to feel good while you are feeling bad!

"Let's Play...Pass the Infection!"

It's not really a fun game, but it seems to be what we having been playing in our house lately. Just before Thanksgiving, Jayce got sick. We took him to the doctor and found out he had pneumonia. It was sad to see him so listless and sick. His fever went up to 105 before he started to feel better.

We did manage to make it down to Tulsa for Thanksgiving weekend. It was nice to see everyone, but really exhausting too. I started feeling bad on Saturday morning. A sore throat was kicking in and for about four nights in a row, I didn't get good sleep because it kept waking me. I went to the clinic Monday morning for tests galore. When you are on chemo and your immune system is compromised, they take every little thing seriously. Which means I got a chest X-ray, flu test, strep test, several blood tests, IV fluids. The result: strep throat and an ear infection.

Now that my throat is better and I nestled in for a good night's sleep...I was awakened at 12:30 in the morning by a crying 10-year-old who said her ear hurt. We took care of her and she woke again at 6:00 a.m. Kent took Kaylee to the doctor this morning...ear infection.

I guess we are doing our part to keep the antibiotics companies in business. I'm looking forward to another round of chemo next week (I use the phrase "looking forward" very loosely)! It will be back to feeling sick for me. So, let's hope we can keep everyone else well!

"Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow"

I had my G.I. Jane moment, but it didn't happen the way I thought it would. It turned out more like Benjamin Button instead. My hair started coming out in great big wads a couple of weeks after my first chemo. Then it slowed down and I was left with very thin hair. It started up again and I was left with zombie-like hair that made every day a mandatory hat day! Now, it is gone. Just little wisps are left (and those are still coming out).

It was very uneventful and not nearly as glamorous as it was when Demi Moore's head hit the shears in G.I. Jane. I guess that is what I expected, minus the really ripped, pumped up muscle queen body!

I'm also not traumatized by my lack of hair. While it certainly makes getting ready in the morning much faster, other time is added trying to choose an outfit that has a hat to match. I haven't gotten around to having my wig fitted yet, so hats it is for now. Hats are fun, and sometimes hot and sometimes itchy. So, sometimes (at home) you just have to dare to go bare!

"Chemo Tricks Me Back"

I am in the post-chemo feeling bad stage. I had chemo Friday afternoon and the next day my Mom flew back to Tulsa. She had flown in the Saturday before to help during the week because chemo was supposed to be on Tuesday. That's just not the way things turned out.

We went in on Tuesday, had my port accessed, lab work drawn and saw the oncologist. At that point, he was concerned about something "abnormal" and wanted me to see the surgeon. So, instead of chemo I got another mammogram and ultrasound. The next morning, we went back for an appointment with my surgeon. Everything turned out okay, it was just a lot of scar tissue.

But, this pushed chemo to Friday. Mom's plane ticket pushed her back home on Saturday. It was still a huge help having her here. A couple of people from church brought a meal today and that will help this week too.

Right now, I'm just sleepy. Good night!

"No Trick, Just Treat!"

I tricked my chemotherapy! It was supposed to fall on Halloween. So, I tricked it and moved it to next week so I could have a treat of a day!

Kent and I went to Kaylee's class Halloween party at school. It was a "Monster Mash" dance party in the gym for the 4th and 5th graders. That's 67 kids in costume! They ate, they danced, they sang to pop songs and Halloween favorites! After school, we brought the geisha girl home to get her make-up on (not allowed at school). Then we dressed her pet dinosaur (that would be Jayce). Don't geisha's usually have pet dinosaurs? I would think so.

 

 





Then it was off to a nearby grocery store Halloween event. On our way home, we stopped by their former babysitter's house for a quick treat. Then it was down the street to a neighbor's house for a pre-trick or treating Halloween party/dinner! The weather was pretty nice when dusk came and we hit the streets in search of porch lights!

It was a long day, but in a different way than a chemo day is a long day! I would choose this one! Mom is flying into St. Louis on Saturday and we'll go pick her up. She'll be here for a week to help us out since I'm facing a "long day" on Tuesday (AKA Chemo Round 3).

"Hats, Teeth and Other Misc. Stuff"

I'm in the middle. It's been two weeks since my second round of chemo and it is just  less than two weeks until chemo number three. These are supposed to be my "good days." They are, from a chemo standpoint. However, my mouth has betrayed me. The pain from having my tooth pulled at the oral surgeon's last week is lingering. Way. Too. Long. I don't know what is taking it so long to heal, but a hurting mouth makes everything a little less fun.

I also don't know what to do about my hair. What's left of it, that is. I'm in mandatory hat mode. Without the hat, I look a dog with the mange. I've lost 75 to 80% of my hair. I'm just guessing. I know that God knows the number of every hair on my head. That must be an easier job for him now. For now, I need more hats I guess. My Mom bought me a cute one and my Aunt surprised me by sending me a hat made just for me! It was a nice surprise!

 



I'm also very appreciative of those who have made food for us. It has made life much easier! Thank you to Kristin Steelman for the three frozen, homemade meals! They didn't spend much time in my freezer! Thanks to my Mom for leaving some chili in the freezer! Thanks to Val for always surprising us with dinner! Thanks to my cousin Joni for the Applebee's gift card (we recently enjoyed some 'car side to go')! Love you all!

"Magic Day 9"

It happened last time and now it has happened again. I'm talking about magic day number nine. Chemo is day one and from that point on the muscle aches and pains, queasy tummy, no appetite, headaches, other stomach issues, low energy and tiredness take hold. Then, on day number nine it stops! That's twice now that day nine has been the first "good day" after chemo. I'm sensing a pattern!

The only thing that marred happy day number nine was my tooth. Yes, my stupid tooth. I have spent hours with the dentist during the past few weeks after a throbbing toothache. On four different occasions, he has worked on a root canal and has been unsuccessful in finishing it. The reasons are complicated (I barely understood what he was saying the problem was). After these visits, he popped a temp filling in and said "let's just wait a month and see how it goes."

It didn't go well. I woke up with the horrible toothache again. This time, he sent me to the oral surgeon. I just went there and had my back, right upper molar yanked. Currently, that has not helped the toothache! I am hopeful that it will heal soon and I can start enjoying my "good" post-chemo days until it is time for another round. In the meantime, I am thankful for pain meds!

"Chemo #2...feeling like poo!"

I know, that's not a very nice title. But, I'm not feeling very nice today. I had my second round of chemo on Wednesday.

I feel like I'm getting the flu (or about to get to the end of it). My body aches and I feel queasy. I don't have much hair left, but I don't even care about that right now. Okay, I'm done whining now. Onto the good news. My Mom and Dad are here and that means no cooking, cleaning, laundry or baby care to worry about while I'm feeling crummy. They leave on Sunday, but hopefully I will feel better by then.

Kaylee's 10th birthday was yesterday and we took her out to eat. I did okay. Tonight, we have her birthday party at "Going Bonkers." That just might make me go bonkers! Good thing we are taking two cars because I may have to make an early exit!

"Tenderitisfullbrush"

I have a new ailment. I call it tenderitisfullbrush. The books, the nurses, the doctors and the breast cancer survivors all told me the same thing, that when the hair starts to go the head will be tender and maybe itchy. They were right. My head is tender and my brush is full.

I am now apparently in competition with my cat to see which one of us can shed the most. I am winning, by a wide margin! I brushed my hair several times after my shower yesterday and had to keep pulling the hair out of the brush. From this nice pile of my former hair, I fashioned a lovely toupee for my receding hairline husband. Sadly, he was not appreciative.

My hair is thick, so I still look like I have normal hair. I can tell that it is thinner, but I doubt anyone else can. But, it looks like I'm on my way to putting that Styrofoam head that has been hiding in my closet out on my dresser!